This series is already pretty long – but just in case you haven’t read it (and you happen to be fighting insomnia) you can start with first post here.
The third exhortation for sexual minority folks in this evangelical sermon on homosexuality was, “Jesus is enough for you.”
Of course. God’s grace is sufficient for us. And when we are weak we are strong.
Living a sustainable faith means that one has inevitably gone through the refining fire of finding our life and our identity as the Beloved of God. It is stronger than our greatest strength, or the strength any of our family or friends can offer. Many followers of Christ will have some story to tell of going through the wilderness and feeling that Jesus was all you had to cling on to.
It doesn’t mean, however, that all of followers of Jesus only find our needs met in Christ. Now before anyone freaks out – let me explain what I mean. In my last post I talked about all good gifts ultimately coming from God. In that sense, it is God who meets our needs. God does that through relationship, marriage, family, meaningful work, access to food and housing, mobility, education etc. Christians very rarely go find a cave to live in relying only on the presence of Jesus to sustain us. (Although let’s face it – it seemed to do pretty amazing things for Brennan Manning!)
God puts the lonely in families. God blesses us with community. God gives us companions on the journey. God connects soul-mates for life-long fidelity.
It is absolutely true that anyone can live without sex. It is also true that being single and/or being celibate can be a life-giving, grace-marked, community-focused journey. And it is true that today’s church in North America needs to do a MUCH better job honouring single people and investing in the cultivation of intimate friendships as a normal part of being community together.
As is commonly pointed out, there are many sexual majority persons who would love to be married but who never found a spouse. They have had to accept their reality and trust God’s faithfulness and sufficiency for them. A crucial difference, however, is that this singleness is not externally imposed. Such an individual can live with possibility of their deep heart desires finding outlet in marriage. I know a friend who was very content being a single career woman. Much to her surprise, she met her husband in her sixties and has now been happily married for a few years with the joy of being a grandmother. Most people I know were very happy for this woman. No one seemed to think that she should not get married despite being beyond child-bearing years or having sensed a call to singleness for the forty some-odd years prior to meeting her husband.
This doesn’t, however, answer the question of whether or not a loving and relational God would demand single celibacy of an entire group of people – group of people that we now understand experience an intrinsic difference in how they feel drawn to intimate relationship. Given the development of the preacher’s argument, it is clear that he believes this must be entirely consistent with God’s character – because his exegesis and hermeneutics put him in the position of upholding the understanding that marriage is between one man and one woman.
My question is, “Would there be room for the sexual minority Christian who wrestles with God and comes to a different interpretive conclusion than you do?”
I have to wonder if that person will feel shamed by the implied accusation that they aren’t living out the “Jesus is enough” expectation?
I’m delighted that some previous posts have brought out insights that didn’t come to me in the writing. Feel more than free to add your comments to the blog.
If you identify as LGBTQ+ ….. how would hearing, “Jesus is enough for you” in a sermon impact you?
When I hear ‘Jesus is enough for you” it makes me immediately wonder if Jesus wasn’t enough for any heterosexual couple. How is my need for intimate relationship a lack of contentedness in Christ? Those two don’t add up. It’s akin to saying “God has a plan” when circumstances in your life are flying out of control. I know that Jesus is all I need, but the way He supplies our needs are tangible. I know that God is in control of a situation, but I am still in need of comfort and compassion. I am very new to the journey of open and honest authenticity because for too long other well meaning believers have tried to ‘fix’ me or just deny it all together. Now , at 28 years old, I am trying to live as though God alone is my judge and discern what His will is. Maybe it is celibacy, but that’s not someone else’s choice or right to force on me. If divorce has been culturally de-stigmatized, asking about same-sex attraction is a legitimate thing to discuss. It opens so many topics, but mostly out of fear and not out of a desire to love and understand brothers and sisters in Christ.
My knee-jerk reaction would be along the lines of “who the hell are YOU to tell ME what I NEED or what is ENOUGH? **I** reserve the right to make those judgments for myself, thank you very much.” And what if, Mr. Pastor, your sad little theology and the version of Jesus YOU want me to believe in leave me in suicidal despair (as it DID when I was still a church-goer)? I should just content myself with that? Terminal self-loathing and untouchable isolation should be enough for me? Constant praying to a deaf God who sadistically creates me one way, tells me I’m an abomination as is, refuses to change me, and then forces me to accept culpability for being who I am? Talk about entrapment…
The arrogance, the presumption, the CONDESCENSION of this pastor thinking that he knows better than I what is good and needed and sustaining for MY soul. “Work out your own salvation with fear and trembling – and don’t you DARE suggest you have the slightest clue as to what is needed for mine!” is what I would want to tell him.
If I had listened to the voices similar to his 30 years ago when I came out – I would have missed the joy, the love, the comfort, the companionship, the stability, the family that have been mine for the last 28 years. I underscore that last word, family, because it was my husband’s family that welcomed me with open arms when my “theologically correct” family was busy throwing heartless dogma at me. If I had listened to voices like his I would have had to continue to co-exist with the belief that I was neither worthy nor capable of deep, intimate relationship. Honestly, I can’t imagine my life without George; nor can I imagine what the past three decades would have been without him. And the thought that someone, like this pastor, earnestly wishes to deny me the richness and joy, the love, connection and acceptance that have been mine because of George – well, such an individual is beyond callous and cruel.
::taking a calming breath::
It would have had an impact like that, Wendy!
Wish I could edit a submission while it waits moderation – one further thought: this man clearly DOES NOT UNDERSTAND what it is like to LIVE with the burden of “Jesus is enough for you” – there is absolutely no room for any other breath, any other thought, any other endeavor, any other task. It is an all-consuming and impossible quest. During the three years or so I struggled with my orientation and the process of coming out I was absolutely incapacitated with regard to any of the other tasks associated with young adulthood. I remember being unable to write an essay for a music ed philosophy class: “why teach music?” I couldn’t answer the question “why am I alive?” I was unable to form attachments or sustainable friendships – and the one relationship that was actually my first love was the one I so poorly understood that **I didn’t even recognize the very fact I WAS in love because I was so thoroughly indoctrinated to believe that it WASN’T.**
Walking away from my faith meant walking away from the most suffocating, strait-jacketing, life-denying world view that was killing me. Or would have had I not left. I remember feeling like such a weight was lifted from me when I no longer accepted its view and judgment of ME. This man has no idea what it is to live like that, to live with that, to constantly struggle to constrict one’s entire emotional output. “Closet” is such an inadequate metaphor. There is AIR in a closet. This is death by slow asphyxiation.