I just happened to notice today while responding to some friend requests on Facebook that someone defriended me. I have no idea who – and it really doesn’t matter. I’m not hurt or offended – I have a pretty open policy about people joining or removing themselves from my friend list. But it did get me thinking. Was this an old highschool classmate who hated getting so much traffic on their homepage from my fb activities? Someone who realized I wasn’t going to help them get a cow or brick or food item for their various fb game obsessions? Was it a fundamentalist family member who was uncomfortable with the kind of thought-provoking questions I often ask in my status line? Or perhaps was it a fellow Christian who got spooked by the gay positive comments many of my gay friends feel comfortable leaving on my wall?
I take delight in knowing how diverse my friend list on fb is. To me, it is a beautiful tapestry of different people with different journeys, outlooks, and personalities. At the same time, in my mind I sometimes flip that tapestry over and see the multi-coloured threads all jumbled up together, chaotic and messy and quite unrepresentative of the beauty on the other side – and I have my moments of anxiety. Will a vulnerable contact get engaged with someone else on my list who doesn’t exactly know how to embody generous spaciousness? Will someone comment on someone else’s comment in an offensive or insensitive way – even with the best of intentions? To date, I’ve not seen anything like that on my fb page. I feel like it has been a hospitable space where there is great difference and diversity. But, I do sometimes wonder if that might just blow up in a hurtful way and wound someone I really care about.
What if a conservative pastor, who found themselves appreciating the spiritual insight and wisdom of a regular commenter, finally puts two and two together and realizes this is a trans male to female follower of Jesus or a partnered gay Christian? Would they process the sudden tension they might experience – or just quietly disappear from the conversation? My hope, of course, is that they would continue to engage, embrace the tension, and see Christ in the midst of the complexity.
What if a gay Christian friend, new in the journey like a butterfly just unfolding its wings, somewhat damp and fragile, reads a comment from someone else that makes them feel unsafe and unwelcome? I know how devastating this could be.
What about the times those who embrace a celibate journey see me encouraging an affirming gay Christian in their walk with God? Will they feel betrayed? Will they feel that I speak out of both sides of my mouth? Will they understand the nuance and tension and paradox of bridge-building? Will they be able to accept some of the uncertainty in which I choose to live?
At the end of the day, I cannot control any of these outcomes. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about trying to foster a safe and hospitable space – on my fb page or on this blog. People are at all kinds of different places, with different priorities and concerns, different styles of communicating, and different expectations. But my priority, over on fb and here on BTG, is to foster hospitable space, an unconditional welcome, where our differences can be explored in a generous, gracious and caring way.
Inevitably, when I’m speaking within the Christian community, I get asked the question, “How far do you take the love and acceptance of Jesus?” And my response is usually along the lines of, “I want to keep having dinner with people as long as they are willing to have dinner with me.” Always invitational – never coercive.
So whether you agree with me or not, you are welcome here….. but I hope that you will have an investment in experiencing and helping to foster hospitable space. Your honest questions are welcomed. Your unique place in the journey is welcomed. The community who comments and gathers in these places (even if they are virtual and not the literal Starbucks down the street) will, I hope, seek to listen, understand, engage, welcome and learn from one another. And if and when we fall short, as we inevitably will, I pray we’ll seek to extend grace and forgiveness and spaciousness to one another. And in the words of Billy Graham, we’ll let God be the judge, the Holy Spirit the one who convicts – and we’ll be the ones to love one another.
Note: for those of you who think this is just sappy, Hallmark drivel ….. too darn bad. It’s a lot harder work than being caustic, sarcastic, divisive or bitter.
-WG
Hey Wendy,
I love how often you’re blogging lately – keep it up!
This post was great. I’m always impressed with the gracious way you respond to criticism (even on your blog of late), and the patient way you hold tension and chaos, even when it’s awfully uncomfortable. You continue to inspire me.
Thanks,
Beth
I’ve been kinda surprising myself Beth …. but who knows – a drought could be right around the corner 🙂
Wendy, very occasionally little comments make me wonder if, deep down, you think gay and Christian are mutually exclusive terms.
I wasn’t sure where to place myself in this “Or perhaps was it a fellow Christian who got spooked by the gay positive comments many of my gay friends” and there was just a slight “ouch” as I read it.
Well, I’m a fellow Christian and I’m pretty positive about my sexuality. May as well be because it ain’t going nowhere and I’m going to be alive for lots of years yet.
I do feel for you though, lots of worlds get to collide on facebook even without such a calling…
Elaine
x
Wendy, I defriended you! But don’t be offended, I defriended everyone and am now just using FB for work. Oh the virtual drama!
Hi Elaine – nope – I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive terms. But there are plenty of conservative Christians who are still uncomfortable with anything gay positive. I used the word fellow instead of conservative – because I didn’t want to be redundant and use conservative twice 🙂
lol Ken – well it worked into this post – so it’s all good in the hood 🙂
Wendy-
What is your definition of Christian?
If gay and christian are not mutually exclusive terms, can a gay identified person be a practicing Christian (if Christianity is defined by being a follower of Christ’s teachings). If holiness and redemption (pursuing purity in all forms) from sin being one of the hallmarks of Christianity can someone practicing any form of sin (not wanting to be free or redeemed) be called a Christian? This isn’t just in regards to homosexuality!
Just a question, out of a response from the tapestry that it out there, in the chaos and beauty.
Hi anonymous (it’d be really great if you used some sort of name – even if it was a pen name) – it sounds like you and I have slightly different ways of describing and understanding what it means to be a follower of Jesus (a.k.a Christian – though usually I prefer follower of Jesus).
If being a Christian is defined as following Christ’s teachings – then I’m afraid no one in the western world could really in good faith call themselves a Christian. Jesus said to sell everything we have and give to the poor then follow him. I know only a handful of people in North America who have actually done that – and I’m not one of them.
To be honest, such a definition doesn’t sound too far from “following the law” to me. Which is not to say Jesus’ teachings are inconsequential at all – but rather that being a follower of Jesus has everything to do with being welcomed into a new covenant with him that is made possible solely by God’s grace. Our obedience in respect to any aspect of Christ’s teaching – or the whole of the Biblical narrative – emerges from love and gratitude for the secure reconciled place we have within the relationship of the Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Embracing this reconciliation and acceptance, in my understanding, is fully centered in Christ – not in what we do or don’t do.
So I would describe (rather than define) a follower of Christ as someone who has embraced their reconciliation with God through Christ and is living their life in grateful response to such a gift. My description you will see is not about how sinful we are or aren’t, how repentant we are or aren’t – because I see all of these as responses to God’s gift of gracious reconciliation through Christ.
In that sense, I wouldn’t see the terms prostitute and Christian as mutually exclusive. (Before anyone gets their shorts in a knot – I’m not suggesting that being gay and being a prostitute are a parallel reality – apples and oranges). Let me share a story: a pastor friend worked in an inner city area. A woman who worked as a prostitute began engaging with his community. She began to learn about Jesus. She began to love Jesus and get to know him in a real and personal way in the context of a faith community. One week she asked the pastor about tithing – and would it be ok if she tithed from her earnings (still being the earnings of a prostitute). He said yes – and she began tithing (hello – quite the kick in the pants for other Christians isn’t it – it has been said that if all the Christians in North America actually tithed we could wipe out global poverty within a couple of years). This woman was growing with Jesus, was responding to the prompting of the Holy Spirit – though she was still providing for her children as a single mom through her prostitution. Now, I trust that with God’s help and the help of a supportive faith community, that she would move towards breaking out of the systemic poverty that positioned her to have to prostitute herself. But that didn’t happen right away – and I’m not sure if it has happened yet. But was she a Christian? I have no doubt.
Note: long-winded again and comment continued in part 2
Part 2:
BUT …. some will say … she was not JUSTIFYING her prostitution …. she wasn’t demanding acceptance of her prostitution …. this is true (why I said this example was “apples and oranges”). The conservative would say, “Gay people are glorying in their sin, justifying it, not repenting, trying to rewrite Scripture, demanding the church to accept it as not sin.”
The reality is, there are other issues besides homosexuality in which there is difference and disagreement about what is sinful – there are other disputable matters. (ie. Divorce and remarriage, women in ministry, drinking, etc.) I think it is important that people understand what they believe, why they believe it, and how they will hold those beliefs as they interact with other followers of Jesus who come to different conclusions on Scriptural interpretation than they do.
The “how” they hold those beliefs is really, really important – because the Bible has a lot to say about – and so does Jesus. Think about his sermon on the mount – who did he say was blessed? He didn’t say blessed are those who are right and who hold those positions with arrogant pride and judge everyone who differs from them and seeks to exclude them from my Kingdom. No…. he says blessed are the meek, blessed are the poor in spirit, blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness (given that he then says they will be filled …. i think he’s talking about those who hunger and thirst for their own righteousness – not making sure everyone else is righteous) etc.
So, I have a large capacity to recognize that there is diversity in the Body of Christ on many different issues – and I will not sit in the seat of judgment over the salvation of my brothers and sisters in Christ – who have embraced the gift of reconciliation with God through Christ and are gratefully trying to live in the love and grace of that gift.
Probably a longer sermon than you were expecting – but some of these things are the absolute backbone behind bridge-building efforts and the ethos behind this blog.
Thanks for the reply Wendy. I’m writing a dissertation so I get what you mean by not wanting to use the same word twice. It does read a little bit exclusive though. Not that I take issue anyway. Grace works both ways 🙂
As for a Christian being someone who follows the teachings of Christ, please show me one. I think it’s about knowing you need Christ, accepting his sacrifice and loving him. What comes out of that is a product of lots and lots of things and I think only God is placed to judge.
Just my opinion….
Elaine
Wendy, I love the ethos of this post, and the way you conduct yourself in general. Thanks for your commitment to inhabiting “multiple worlds,” so to speak!
Peter
http://www.EmergingChristian.com
Thanks Peter – appreciate you stopping by 🙂